Well, I did it today. I handed in my resignation letter to the boss. But she rejected it, said I was “a valuable asset” to the company and insisted I give it another try. This lady really went out on a limb in hiring me and I feel I owe it to her to reconsider. The weather is improving, I am enjoying Beijing more and more, and work went well today because I actually met with clients and shared my ideas (as opposed to poring over spreadsheets of internal finances and worrying about “making the numbers”).

Of course, something very big is still missing, and I can’t be truly happy until that situation is rectified. I feel so torn. I read a disturbing story today about the state of the economy in New York, and I realize that giving up a job that a lot of people would kill for and returning without a plan would be a huge gamble.

My friend back home used to be an English teacher; maybe he could join me here and teach English and we could live a life of joy and luxury. That would make life so wonderful.

Sounds good, but it’s unlikely. You see, we own a house. No; a house owns us. So many years of acquiring junk — antiques, furniture, books, CDs, computers, electronics, art, silverware, linens, clothes, appliances, cars, etc., and building a swimming pool and a jacuzzi and a patio and dumping infinite amounts of $$ into repairs and fixtures and improvements….after so much acquiring and getting and spending, it’s incredibly hard to just uproot and say goodbye to all that. No, to a great extent we are slaves to the house, and until he and I come to terms with that, we’re stuck. To further complicate things, we have two cats, whom I love, Nick and Daisy (as in The Great Gatsby). What should we do, put them to sleep so my friend can come over here? Never.

Okay, sorry for getting so personal. It is past 8:30 p.m. and I am still at work and need to eat and sleep. I promise, tomorrow I will be less brooding and more witty. It can be hard, living up to my promise to write something here every day.